Friday, 22 August 2014

Free Pattern Friday: (NSFW) Sh*t B*tch You is Fine

This post contains salty language! As a buffer, here is a picture of Frank the Cat. Beyond him lie expletives. You have been warned!

Are we ready? Alrighty then...

Here's a little something I stitched up for my fabulous friend, Kit. I'm terrible at keeping up with birthdays, and usually (and by that I mean ALWAYS) procrastinate too much to get Christmas cards and gifts done, and since we hardly get to see each other face to face these days I wanted to let her know just how much she means to me. This sums it up perfectly!

My husband showed me this bear a while back, but didn't buy me one. Why ever not, I don't know.

Want to make one too? Awesome! Just click on the pattern image below and right click to save it, then get stitching. Be sure to let me know if you make it, comment here or tag me on Instagram @yomamagomama. And link back here so others can make one too!

Click, right click, save image, done. :)

Monday, 4 August 2014

Double Standards

I have them. You have them. You might not think you do, but you do. Everyone does.

This phrase has been going through my head a lot recently, in regard to myself and others. I was inspired to put needle to fabric though, after witnessing (and sometimes participating in) several conversations in short succession about feminism, rape culture and misandry. I understand that these are things often viewed subjectively. How could they not be? Talking to and about women who are victims of rape, sexual abuse and harassment, women who have been discriminated against because of their sex, women who are tired of women being portrayed as sexual objects in the media. These are very personal and emotive issues and of course we all bring our personal experiences and feelings to the table when we discuss them.

But here's the thing. These issues also apply to men. Perhaps not always on the same scale or in the exact same ways, but that does not diminish the seriousness of these issues. (In particular, to tell a male victim of rape that it is not as serious as when a female is raped. That's a special kind of awful right there.) To dismiss the thoughts, feelings and rights of one group of people is just as bad as dismissing them of another group of people. And if you think it isn't, well, that's a double standard.

As soon as I knew I wanted to stitch this phrase I had the image of double vision in my head, which quickly led me to red and cyan when choosing my colours. Opposing parts that should come together to form a greater image, but sadly do not.

Saturday, 17 May 2014

I Have Maggots In My Scrotum

I love The Book of Mormon. The musical that is. If you haven't seen it yet and you get the chance to, jump at it. It's amazing. Unless you're a Mormon, or sensitive to the swears. Then definitely don't go see it.

There's a running gag in which one of the villagers declares "I have maggots in my scrotum!" You can hear it in this song, All American Prophet.

I also learned when making the pattern for this that the line down a scrotum is called the scrotal raphe. That would be a respectable 10 points in scrabble, you know.

So, that's two posts in a row from me featuring cross stitched testicles. You're welcome. ;)

Thanks for stopping by!
Emma x

Thursday, 8 May 2014

You, Sir, Are a Baboon!

A little while ago I was feeling a bit of a Debbie Downer and in an effort to cheer myself up asked my Facebook friends to guess my word of the day, with the promise of their own choice of word stitched up as a prize. My friend Lauren guessed correctly. It was Monorail! Monorail, monorail, monorail, monorail...

Carrying on the Simpsons theme she chose Baboon (she made me guess it too!) Such an awesome choice. I don't know about you, but when I think of a baboon, the first thing I think of is their butt.

So of course that had to be a feature. And the balls, because, you know. Balls.

Face/Butt. Sounds like the porn version of Face/Off.

So there we have it. My friend cheered me up and I sent her a cross stitched Baboon butt and balls.

I should point out that the colourful faces and butts we associate with Baboons are actually those of Mandrills. But apparently they were classed as Baboons up until a few years ago, so you know, artistic licence and all that.

Thanks for stopping by!
Emma x

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Flowers & Poetry

Disclaimer for my sensitive friends: This post contains a mild swear used in a complimentary manner. You have been warned!

Alrighty then...

Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem is bitchin' and so are you.

I started working on this back in November 2013. The flowers are taken from colouring pages, and the font I used is called Learning Curve.

I feel like my stitching came on leaps and bounds making this. I had a few false starts where the text just looked awful and like chicken scratches. Then I decided to give stem stitch a try and voila! Lovely neat text! I'm pretty much in love with stem stitch now. The whole thing is stem stitched with a few French knots to dot the i's.

Here is the video I learned stem stitch from.
If you're learning to stitch you should check out Needle n' Thread, Mary is a great teacher and there are video tutorials for pretty much every stitch you can think of, plus loads of advice!

Thanks for stopping by!
Emma x

Sunday, 23 March 2014

A Valentine's Day Stitchy Swap Part 2: Giving

So Valentine's day is (supposedly) about romance, right? And my swap partner is a bit of a Whovian. Let's do the math:
Romance + Doctor Who = The Doctor and River Song
I knew what had to be done. I had a vision. It was brilliant. I set to work on my pattern.  I researched. I tinkered. I toyed. And I failed. I just couldn't get what was in my head onto paper or computer screen, let alone onto fabric. But it was ok. I had another idea, another vision! More research, more tinkering, more toying. And again, I failed. Sort of.

You see the fabric I wanted to stitch on was a TARDIS blue, kind of spacey fabric. My go-to technique for pattern transfer is graphite paper, and that just wasn't showing up. So I tried dressmaker's transfer paper, which comes in whit, red, yellow and blue. Nope, none of those were showing up. My heat transfer pencils barely made a mark either. I decided my only option was to use Solvy, you know the clear stuff that dissolves in water? Well Solvy and I, we have a kind of a love/hate relationship going on. Solvy loves to be a bitch, and I hate to use it. But sometimes when things are just right, we can get in the zone, we can make it work. Nope, we couldn't make it work. The problem was my good friend, metallic floss. You see Metallic Floss and I are cool. We won't see each other for ages, but then we get together, have a few beers, coat ourselves in Thread Heaven and get stuck in like we've never been apart. Solvy took offense to this, and decided to sabotage everything. Slipping around, rubbing Metallic Floss the wrong way and then splitting. After my second attempt, I decided to dump Solvy. She was getting in the way of the good thing Metallic Floss and I have going. So I switched to a plain, cream fabric, and flipped the bird to Solvy as I shoved her back into storage where she shall remain until the next time I feel like being emotionally abused by an inanimate object.

If you've read this far then well done, thank you and sorry. I have a slight anthropomorphism problem.

So here it is.

It kind of looks like a surprised bear face. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

"Hello, Sweetie." in Gallifreyan text.
Kind of a palaver for a teeny 4 inch hoopla, but there you go. I have a special talent of making mountains out of molehills.

Thanks for stopping by!
Emma x

P.S. You can make Gallifreyan text too! Check out shermansplanet :)

A Valentine's Day Stitchy Swap Part 1: Receiving

So a friend of mine (The very talented Crystal, go check her out!) organised a Valentine's swap, and I was paired with the wonderful, the fabulous Jo Ashcroft!* Jo is a seamstress and teacher, and all around cool lady. I was so stoked to be paired with her. And she did not disappoint!

Look at those goodies! A packet of Pineapple Lumps (which was mysteriously empty...hmm.. ;) a very appropriate cat card and a cushion.

But not just any cushion. This cushion. Look at how cute it is! And it is so soft and snuggly and totally worthy of it's own bear hugs. Such an awesome Valentine's gift, thanks again Jo!

Coming up next time, the giving...

Thanks for stopping by!
Emma x

*I really hope you read that in the style of Jools Holland.

Monday, 10 March 2014

Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Mouth?

So. Um. Hi. How you doin'? It's been a while, huh? Like, a year or so. Yeah. Um. Are we cool? We are? Awesome.

So, over the last year at least I just hit a major crafting slump where I would start projects and lose steam pretty quickly. I currently have four WIPs on the go, and SO MANY IDEAS YOU GUYS that I'm forcing myself to ignore until I can finish some of what I've started, because let's face it, four WIPs is three too many, right?

But I actually finished something. Seriously. I know, I'm shocked too. I finished stitching a few weeks ago and just couldn't bring myself to frame it until today. (I hate framing and finishing. It's so tedious  -_-)

So you might not know, but I have excellent taste in movies. Seriously. I only watch the highest quality productions. And so I present this piece to you, inspired by 1998's Rush Hour starring Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.

I was going to put this on my living room wall, but I might just carry it around town with me. (I'm just kidding. Well maybe just on weekends...)

So there you have it. Hopefully my next post won't be in a years time, but in case it's a while I'll leave you with an earworm, Dru Hill's How Deep Is Your Love. No one rocks a bedazzled visor like Sisqo. Wait, no one rocks a bedazzled visor.

Thanks for stopping by!
Emma x